


Happy Little Phil

by ironicallyrad



Category: Phan, Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: Comfort, Existential Crisis, Fluff, M/M, Song fic, happy little phil, happy little pill, inevitability of death, trxye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2013978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironicallyrad/pseuds/ironicallyrad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is having his usual existential crisis and Phil comforts him.</p><p>  <span class="s1">Based on <a href="http://dansdong.tumblr.com/post/92664902368/phantasticphil-my-happy-little-phil-imagine">this post</a>.</span></p><p>  <span class="s1">Blog version <a href="http://ironicallyrad.tumblr.com/post/92672816224/happy-little-pill-quick-drabble">here</a>.</span></p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Little Phil

 

This was no surprise, really. He was used to it; about once a year all these thoughts somehow wouldn’t leave him alone. Not that he didn’t think about this on a regular basis, but there was always that time of year where everything just got too much.

It was currently 4:35am and Dan was laying on his carpet staring off into space. He knew it was stupid to let the thoughts consume him like this, but the fact that humanity has no purpose whatsoever in the universe and death is unavoidable kept him awake more times than he’d like to admit. What’s the point? Everyone is walking around and time is ticking, time is ticking and it’s ticking fast, and soon everything and everyone he loved would either die or vanish. He would die. Eventually. It wasn’t the thought of death or what came after it that scared Dan, but the burning guilt of feeling like he wasn’t doing enough with his life. He would be doing so much, but even that wouldn’t be enough. Life is so short, how the hell was he supposed to achieve happiness? He stood up and started pacing around in his room, phrasing his thoughts out loud, well above a whisper. It was now 5am and Dan was too engrossed in his own thoughts to hear the knock on his door.

“Dan?”

Phil turned the doorknob slowly and peeked his head inside. The sudden sound of another voice in the room startled Dan and he quickly felt embarrassed for once again talking to himself this late at night.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice a bit high pitched and raspy.

“I can hear you from my room.”

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll go to bed.”

Dan cleared his bed of his laptop and phone and pulled the covers back, assuring Phil he didn’t need to worry about him anymore.

Phil sighed, slowly walking over to Dan’s bed and sitting down. “Dan, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, dude, don’t worry, it’s just the usual.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked after clicking his tongue.

Dan shrugged, “not really. I mean, there isn’t much you can do, and these thoughts are kind of depressing to some people. Plus, I don’t want to keep you awake any longer. It’s fine, I’m going to bed now.”

Phil patted the spot on the bed next to him. “It’s not like we have anything important to do tomorrow. I want to make sure you’re alright, and even if I can’t help, talking about it usually gets your mind off of stuff, doesn’t it?”

It did feel nice whenever he told Phil about his worries. Although this one was hardly solvable, maybe having one on one time with his best friend and venting about the subject wasn’t such a bad idea.

“Well you know. Existential crisis and the inevitability of death!” Dan threw his hands in the air and jokingly shook them, but then cleared his throat and decided to get serious. “You know, it’s not that I’m scared. It’s just. It’s all so unavoidable and unanswerable, it bothers me a bit.”

“You’re not going to know all the answers to everything, Dan. No one does.”

“Yeah yeah, I know, that’s not what I mean. I don’t want to be some omnipotent God that knows the answer to everything in the universe. I don’t even know if I want to know the answers to any of the questions I have in mind. I just like thinking about it. Well, I don’t “like” thinking about it. I mean, it’s good and I’m glad I’m so self aware, but at the same time, it just gets kind of annoying the fact that these thoughts won’t leave me alone.”

Phil rhythmically tapped his fingers on the mattress and nodded in agreement.

“And then there’s the whole ‘we are all going to die eventually’ business. I’m not really worried about me. I know and have accepted that I am going to die. But you know, it’s just everyone else… My parents, my friends… You. God, what if you die first, Phil!? What the hell am I going to do? What if you die tomorrow in a car crash or get diagnosed with a deadly disease? What if you jus-”

“Dan.” Phil turned his whole body to face Dan’s and firmly grasped his shoulders with both of his hands. “Dan, I’m here. I’m alive.”

“I know, but you’re not going to live forever, you’re going to die and-”

“But I’m alive right now. Right this second. I’m alive. And so are you.”

Dan let out the breath he didn’t even know he had been holding. “I tell myself I don’t care, that nothing matters because humans are insignificant and have no purpose in the universe. But I do care, and I am scared, and I hate it that I let these vulgar human feelings control me.”

“That’s what you are.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are a human, so of course you are going to have those ‘vulgar human feelings’. You are going to get worried, stressed, and feel things that you don’t want to feel, but that’s just how humans work. You are human, Dan.”

Dan looked down, playing with the hem of his socks. “I know…”

“Hey, look at me,” Phil said softly as he rubbed small, soothing circles against Dan’s arms. Dan lifted his eyebrows as he looked up. “I know all these thoughts are confusing and the actual worst things to be stuck thinking about in the middle of the night. I know once you start thinking about such things it’s really hard to pull yourself out of this trance. Honestly, just let it go.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I know, but what good is it doing? You could be doing so many things, instead you’re just sat here thinking about what you could be doing and what if this what if that and how is the future going to be? My advice is to live in the present. I know a lot of people say that, but I don’t think many of them actually follow their own advice. But I know you can. You are strong, and I’ve seen you pull through so many things. I know you can pull through this constant state of depressing and scary thoughts.”

The two boys stared at each other and none of them dared break the silence until Dan started snickering, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. 

Phil cocked one of his eyebrows up and smiled. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, it’s sappy, you’re gonna make fun of me.”

“It’s  _sappy_!!? I really need to hear it now!” Phil tried to pry Dan’s hands from his mouth which caused both of them to laugh and collapse on the bed together. They were both facing each other and Phil had a tight grip of Dan’s wrists, to which Dan was desperately trying to break free from. “Come on Dan, what is it?”

Dan shot his eyes up to meet Phil’s, fighting the enormous smile that was trying to make its way to his face. “My happy little Phil.”

Phil laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Take me away. Dry my eyes. Bring color to my skies,” Dan continued teasingly

“You’re right that was very sappy.”

Dan leaned closer and brushed their noses together. “My sweet little Phil.”

“Stop!!!!” Phil hid his face with Dan’s hands that he was still holding.

Dan laughed loudly before trying to flick his forehead, which earned him a kick in the shin. “Ow, ow, ow, can you let go of my wrists now?”

Phil let go of Dan and they both sat up.

“You better now?”

“Yeah,” Dan smiled genuinely, “really though. Thanks, Phil. I couldn’t ask for a better best friend. You are the best.”

“Woah, I think the 5 o’clock sappiness is really getting to you. Danny Danny should go sleepy sleepy.”

“Ew don’t call me Danny.” Dan hit him softly in the head.

“Okay, but seriously go to bed. Tomorrow, well technically today, is a new day. You’re going to feel better and live in the present, right?”

Dan nodded, placing his head to his pillow. “Yeah. Thank you for everything, Phil.”

Phil scrunched up his nose as he playfully ruffled Dan’s hair. “Goodnight.” He placed the duvet over Dan to cover his cheeky grin, and started walking towards the door.

“Hey Phil?”

He looked over his shoulder. “Hm?”

“Can we have a sleep over?”

Phil’s eyes lighted up in excitement, and he hurried to Dan’s side, tucking both of them in and laying his head next to Dan’s.

“Go get your own pillow!”

“But it’s all the way over there!” He pointed to his room that could be seen across the hallway.

Dan sighed and turned to the right, giving Phil more space on the bed and pillow. “Fine.”

Phil laced his fingers around Dan’s chest and squeezed tightly. “Goodnight, Dan. You’ll feel better tomorrow, I’ll make sure of it.” 

Phil had barely finished his last sentence  when Dan felt his breathing slow down and realized he had fallen asleep. He smiled as he felt the small puffs of air against his messy hair.

“Goodnight, you silly dingus.”

 


End file.
